What Do Chinese Men Want in a Woman?
Many Chinese women who marry Western men quickly return to China to care for their aging parents and grandparents. Others become’superheroes’ for their North American and UK husbands and engage in extramarital sex.
Research has found that women who desire pragmatic qualities (such as a stable income and a good job) tend to be more interested in dating.
Family-oriented
Chinese culture has traditionally emphasized family values. In fact, marriage is seen as a major step in reaching adulthood. It is also a way to improve one’s social status, as the government encourages men and women to marry at the sanctioned age of 22 for males and 20 for females. This traditional mindset, however, is slowly changing as more Chinese embrace modern lifestyles. Today, many Chinese young people live together without marriage, a practice known as ‘cohabitating’.
Nonetheless, a woman’s societal role remains highly gendered. She is expected to maintain a high standard of morality and conduct. She is obligated to honor her parents and achieve family stability through her husband. She is also required to have a good education and secure employment, which is often seen as a mark of virtue. Despite these pressures, however, some single Chinese women are finding it difficult to find the right man. As a result, they are increasingly pursuing foreign men for love and companionship.
This trend has been observed by anthropologists and scholars who have studied the marriage market in China. For example, an ethnographic study by Roberta Zavoretti of one Nanjing-based singleton woman who was unable to locate ‘Mr. Right’ discovered that her desire for a meaningful marital relationship was intertwined with patriarchal forces that devalued her female status.
This is a clear sign that societal expectations concerning dating and intimate relationships continue to persist, regardless of the broader shifts in cultural beliefs. For example, a recent survey of young Chinese adults found that only a small percentage of both females and males expressed a willingness to have sex on a first date. Moreover, both genders were opposed to kissing on the lips during a date.
Good appearance
While Western culture has traditionally emphasized a woman’s inner beauty and virtues, Chinese women are often more concerned about her physical appearance. This is evident in the way they talk about their looks and what they look for in a man. According to one participant, a good-looking woman will attract more attention from men and help them achieve their career goals. Moreover, she will also have a better chance of winning the favor of her parents and other family members.
In ancient China, a woman’s good appearance was considered a sign of her virtue. During the Tang Dynasty (771-870), for example, beautiful objects were favored over ordinary ones, and people openly displayed their appreciation of handsome men. For instance, women threw fruits into the carriage of a well-known nobleman, Pan An.
During this time, masculinity was associated with wealth and success while femininity was connected to domesticity and feminity. This shift was largely due to the economic rise of China, which upended traditional gender stereotypes. In fact, it is possible that a Chinese woman’s desire for a good-looking partner can be explained by her desire to satisfy the cultural demands of her generation.
The results from this survey show that the majority of Han Chinese populations surveyed favored a facial shape that is oval in profile and a narrow, slightly pointed chin. They favored lips that are full medially and taper off laterally. They also preferred a balanced upper and lower lip ratio, with a higher percentage of volume at the center. A concave or straight dorsum of the nose and a narrow or obtuse jaw angle were also desirable. Interestingly, this survey found that a more square-shaped face is less desirable for women.
Sense of humor
Sense of humor is one of the most important characteristics for Chinese men. They consider it a necessary trait to be a successful businessman, and they value the ability to break the ice in social situations. However, they do not like to laugh at jokes that are culturally insensitive or offensive. They are especially sensitive about the concept of mianzi, or face, which has a long history in Chinese culture and remains an important motivation for behavior in China. Causing someone to lose face is seen as a serious offense and can be deeply insulting. For this reason, it is important to avoid offending Chinese people.
Unlike Westerners, who often regard humor as a positive personality trait and use it to cope with negative events, the Chinese view humor as an important aspect of their daily lives, but they do not think they are funny themselves. This ambivalent attitude towards humor may be due to the fact that they do not see their own humorous activities as contributing to their self-realization by Confucius standards (Yue, 2011). In addition, they have an apprehension-despising complex toward humor and believe it is an exclusive talent of experts.
The apprehension-despising relationship between humor and the self is a central part of the Chinese philosophy of ren (
Caring
Despite China’s stated policy of equal gender roles, patriarchal forces still influence relationships. In one case, an anthropologist observed how the pressure to find a husband overshadowed the ambition of a female nurse who wanted to pursue medical training in the United States. Although the man she married was supportive of her aspirations, he expected her to conform to their family’s hierarchy by performing certain chores and by expressing particular types of care for her and their children. The result was that the wife felt less like a partner and more like an object of domestic consumption.
While many Chinese women value a sense of security, or an Quan Gan, in their husbands, they often feel that their male partners need to show more love and respect for them. For example, they expect their husbands to show more affection, which may include holding the door for them or giving up a seat on a bus. While chivalry is a Western concept, it is also embraced by some Chinese men. However, it is important to remember that a man’s actions should be directed towards elderly or pregnant women first.
As a result, some females turn to foreign men for their idealized image of masculinity. According to Lehmann, some of her interviewees in Xiamen viewed white men as a ‘moral alternative to Chinese husbands’. In their view, white men embodied the Western idea of romance and sexual skills. They also viewed them as a ‘protector’ against sexism and patriarchy in their country of origin. Moreover, they believed that a Western man could provide them with greater financial security and a better quality of life. In addition, they hoped that these relationships would help them overcome societal and familial obstacles.
Respectful
Chinese men take their family responsibilities seriously. They want to make sure that their parents are living a comfortable life. They don’t want to upset them so they will always treat their parents with the respect they deserve. They also care about their grandparents. So if you see your Chinese boyfriend taking his parents to meet you, it means that he is serious about you and he is close to proposing. This is a big deal for them and it will affect the outcome of your relationship.
Most of the time, a Chinese man’s parents will be heavily involved in his dating life. They will try to get their approval before he asks his girlfriend to marry him. This can be a double edged sword because it can be quite heartbreaking if his parents don’t approve. However, if his parents approve of him, the wedding bells will be ringing soon!
Another thing that Chinese women appreciate about Western men is their dedication to their families. Many of the women who have married Western men say that their husbands care about their parents and grandparents. This is a big difference from their Chinese husbands who don’t care as much about their parents and grandparents. The women that I have interviewed say that they are happier with their Western husbands than with their Chinese boyfriends.
This study found that the majority of both men and women want to find a partner who has a good personality, is honest, and is caring. Both genders also preferred partners with a good sense of humor and a high intelligence level. In addition, the women in the study preferred pragmatic qualities such as a high education level and a stable job. These results are in line with long-standing gender stereotypes.
